Listen! Do you smell something?

2009-11-19T12:26:00.000-08:00

You see me as you want to see me.

Considering every flaw.

Where is the sense in trying to behave like what people think we should behave?

Sabotaging the life right from your veins. Loosely keeping track of unfiltered nothingness.

All those people milling about.

Watch them.

Stand.

See.

Going this way.

Going that way.

Wait.

Don't.

Stop.

A surefire way to let the demons out right? Sublimating the damned.

I hope my star burns forever.

Angry words that never really come to light.

Tubby the tub says: talking tubs are evil.

Life can only be as it is.

Nothing will change that.

Choices come and go, but things just turn out as is.

Take it.

Leave it.

Decide whatever.

Don't let the star go out.

Scrolls of knowledge to keep record of round about ideals.

Typing hurts after a while.

Random thoughts.

Nonrandom liberties.

Stop pining.

Pining gets you know where.

Believe that.

Soon to be known: the meaning of life.

Yeah, well, what meaning?

Do you really want to hurt me?

Does Australia have any countries?

Get so caught up in the lives of others.

Forget about your own.

Something will happen.

Something is going to happen.

Eventually . . . right?

As long as the star is still burning that is.

Is.

Genius.

Are you a genius?

Anger is a good muse.

An easy muse.

So easy to just be angry.

So hard to not come down.

Where are you?

Sifting through the imaginative opportunities. Don't press shift five times.

It turns on stickykeys.

Or maybe you want sticky keys.

Whatever works.

How does that mind process good things?

Why is it so much easier to be angry?

What?

Where in the world is . . . the world.

We've certainly got the American Jesus eh?

See him on the interstate.

So much rambling.

So little time.

Satisfied?

No?

Does actual satisfaction exist?

Is that how you spell exist?

No clue.

Could look it up.

Won't.

Hmm . . . there's a lot of stuff on the internet eh?

How did Canada get its name?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and drew one at a time.

C-eh? N-eh? D-eh?

Totally.

How do you get an elephant in a safeway cart?

You take the S out of Safe and the F out of Way.

How did the dead baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

Pointless.

Meaningless.

Must go to the show.

Must go.

Keep still my little star, keep still.

p.s. the so-called 'high-speed internet' must be on some downers right now...

2009-10-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

Sitting here, secluded in my room, all by myself(...no one was looking, I was taking a piss). Ha ha ha. No. Really though, I am sitting in the dark typing, which is probably not the best thing. Especially considering I'm having to squint to the point that my cheeks hurt. I amuse myself. I can hear shit winding down around me. My family is getting ready for bed, as am I. I can here my father yelling about something and slamming around. I always know it's him because it sounds as if someone is whacking away at the floor with a sledgehammer, or something to that effect. I suppose I should mention that my parents room lies directly above my own. My own. It's not really my own. I have decorated it with what is left of a former life so a few of the possessions in it do in fact belong to me. Other than those trinkets (well, over a hundred books are more than mere 'trinkets' but you get my drift) though, nothing is mine. This room I live in is one of my parent's spare bedrooms. The bed I find myself drifting away in is not mine. The internet I am using to bitch in this blog is not mine. I am adrift. But that's mostly a side note.

I'm not really meaning to write about anything specific here. I really just couldn't sleep. This calms me . . . allows me to empty some of the thoughts clouding my mind. Thoughts that usually run around in all sorts of geometric shapes disallowing me to fall into that slumber which I so desire. My own real-life pensieve would be the best thing really. I was horribly sucked into Harry Potter's world.

I've always wanted to write a book. I have some pretty neat ideas. Neat to me, leastways. I will someday. Right? How many times do you say that in your lifetime? A lot probably. A whole hell of a lot.

You know what's really a drag? When people are so angry all the time. I just don't get it. Myself included. Why get so wrapped up in getting whats fair that you lose half of your life because it was wasted being mad and fretting because something or some situation didn't end up what seemed the fair to you. Myself, sitting here in this dark room, I am one to talk. I am trying to vent or complain with sounding so negative. Pretty much an impossible feat, but I will keep going despite. Plenty of seemingly unfair things have happened to me. I've had to examine and re-examine my past choices and mistakes. This closer look revealed that all it comes down to is that I made a wrong choice and the wrong time. It's so hard not to though. It's so hard to know when enough is enough.

My hair is getting so long!!! I'm very excited about this. I keep saying I'm going to grow it out, but the moment it gets a little bit long, I cut it. Argh! Not this time hopefully. I have been itching to slap some color in there somewhere. I had black hair, but it's back to blonde now. Maybe next time I'll go platinum blonde. White like, oh, I don't know, white like the background of this little box I'm tying in. AH! I've been sitting here for about forty minutes! I must must must go to sleep. Goodnight all. Goodnight.

And so it begins...

2009-10-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

Blogging. I have been 'blogging' all my life. I realize that the term blog came from 'web log.' Even so all that really amounts to is a way for people to publicly journalize their views, thoughts, and opinions. Maybe if I keep doing this for the next twenty years someone will actually read it. Maybe I'll end up being one of those internet sensations. Ya know? Make a cool million on the side. That would be pretty grand right? It would. You can't deny that if someone handed you a million bucks because of something you randomly wrote your life may be a little easier even if only for a second. Maybe thats a lie though. I guess if it ever happens I'll write a blog about it so as to pass along the actuality in that situation.

I am always so negative. I try hard not to be. I try really hard. It's almost inevitable. Like my mind is just wired to automatically turn south in any situation. Probably boils down to me being pretty dang selfish. At least thats how I negatively view myself. People that know me would say otherwise I'm sure, but you can only view the world from your own eyes.

I have certain opinions that when voiced with certain people I get attacked for for reasons beyond my understanding. I suppose this is how it is no matter when and what and who you exclaim these opinions too, but what the hell right? I am pretty sure that things will get better. They're getting better all the time (thanks John and Paul for this amazing and intuitive idea). Hmm, I just paused for a minute and read what I have written and can already see that this blog is turning below zero on the number line. I really do have good things to say and I really have good things in my life. Focus on the good. Maybe? Maybe.